Working Mom's Beauty Regimen

There are moms out there, even working moms, who always look gorgeous and put together, like the gosh-darn #GIRLBOSSES that they are. I know some women find joy in testing out beautiful hairstyles they found on Pinterest,  shopping for new makeup,  getting a blowout, or sitting at their vanity in the morning getting ready to face the day.

I am not one of them.  My joy comes from a) sleep, b) time with my kid/husband, c) cooking breakfast on weekends, and d) realizing that by putting my potted plants right by the kitchen sink, I can use the sink sprayer to water them and not let them die (like their predecessors).

(I really have no idea why this didn't occur to me sooner.)

It's not that I don't take pride in my appearance, it's just that my only real style goal has been to never end up on What Not to Wear.  With the bar set that low (and the show having been cancelled), it's pretty easy to exceed expectations. 

I CAN, in a pinch, look like a stylish, professional lady who's got her shizz together.

But face it--Work Picture Day is just like School Picture Day.  It's the nicest you're ever going to look that year.  In order to achieve the look seen above, I had to bring the necklace to work in my purse (lest the kid rip it from my throat before I left the house), bring a flat iron and makeup to the office, and primp right before photo time.  And take off my glasses (just like a superhero).  

Suffice to say--most days, I don't look like that, whether at the office or at home.  My office is pretty casual.  I'm a geologist, and emergencies come up. You never know when you might have to run out to a site.

(Work style, 32 weeks preggo)

So while I am by no means a "Style Influencer" who would ever be sought out by marketing teams to push their products, I am a normal, average, run of the mill working mom...who happens to have her own blog and can therefore share whatever the heck I like.   So here it is, folks--my own personal "Working Mom's Beauty Regimen".

Essential Tools-Hair
Hairbrush, comb, hair ties, bobby pins, large hair clip, scrunchy*
*I can't sleep with my hair down. It is posessed & will strangle me in my sleep.  This also comes in handy for The Mom Bun.

Optional:
Dry Shampoo, Hairspray (for serious updo's only) & elastic headband (for my one fancy go-to updo): 

Things I Own But Never Use:
Flat Iron (this now lives at work for emergency/last minute meetings), Hair Dryer, Curling Iron, Hot Rollers, Wet Hair Curlers, Mousse, Hair Smoothing Serum

Look...yes, I'm a woman, and I own these things because society and Cosmo has said we're all supposed to have them.  But I haven't used a friggin' blow dryer in at least 3 years. I have too much hair, it takes too long, and that's an extra 10-15 minutes I could be sleeping.  My hair dryer doesn't even live in MY bathroom--it's in my husband's.  (Yes, we have separate bathrooms.  Marriage Tip: Have separate bathrooms. It's awesome.)

This also affords me the opportunity to revel in some slightly smug self-satisfaction every time I see one of those "hair repair" ads:

TV: Do you suffer from dry, brittle, style damaged hair?

ME: Nope. *changes channel*

Essential Tools: Face

That's it. Seriously.  (I would include links but my research seems to indicate most of these products are so old they've been discontinued. Soooo....yeah. But I'd wager a guess I spent less than $40 total on everything shown here.)

• Almost-empty blush 
• An eyeshadow trio, only one color used  (because ain't nobody got time for contouring)
• Roll-on concealer (Momma's got dark circles)
• "Cream" style eyeliner  -  I don't stick pencils that have to be sharpened anywhere near my eye.
• Blue-black mascara - I read in an article called something like "Hangover Beauty Routine" that blue-black mascara makes your eyes look more open, or the whites to look brighter... something, I forget. "Hangover", "sleep-deprived mom"...basically the same thing.
• Moisturizer w/SPF.  Because it's probably cheaper than getting Botox later. I'm not diligent about using this, but I'm trying to get better. 
• (Not shown) lip balm - these live in my purse, and don't seem to get used until my lips are already cracked & bleeding (hydrate much?  Nope.)

Things I Own But Never Use:
Foundation, bronzer (I have olive skin, I have no idea why I bought this), more eyeshadow (reserved for when I need to do Halloween costumes or stage makeup).

My mad "black eye" skillz.

Pro Tip: Don't want your kids to get into your makeup and ruin hundreds of dollars worth of product by drawing on the walls & themselves? Don't buy it, then it's not in your house. BOOM.  Problem solved.

So, a typical week for me involves some combination of the following 3 options.

Option 1:
Wake up, lay there for 5 more minutes.  Realize I need to shower before the kid wakes up.  Head to the bathroom: shampoo, conditioner, face scrub, shave (if warranted), body wash (optional and time-dependent).

Pro tip: to save time in the shower, just forget to shave one leg. Or forego shaving altogether. After all, it's fall y'all.

Post shower:  comb wet hair, then pull up into a French twist with big hair clip, or braid (yes, I go to work with wet hair). My Pinterest Style board is full of links for "how to style wet hair", but I rarely take the time to do anything beyond these two options. 

(One morning I threw it up in the clip and ended up with this cool twist. I have never been able to replicate it.)

No hair product. Brush teeth, get dressed, then moisturizer (if I remember), deodorant, and apply makeup until tired or distracted (about 10 seconds).

Option 2:
If hair is not oily and was braided the day before, it might have a nice wave in it, so no shower.  Leave it down, or re-braid it. Wash face (just a washcloth--I own a fancy microscrubber but consistently forget to use it) & such. Full makeup is more likely because there's no noise from the shower to wake the kid up early--but you just never know.

(I'm letting my hair grow out so I can donate it. Ergo it is long and rather shapeless at the moment.)

Option 3:
Mom-Bun!  Then brush teeth, deodorant, makeup (full makeup more likely to make up for the fact that I'm unshowered and disgusting).

Bedtime Beauty Regimen:  Non-existent. I might wash my face, I might not. To be honest, I wear so little makeup that I've already rubbed most of it off my face by bedtime.  Hair goes up in a scrunchy so it doesn't murder me in my sleep.  

And that's it.  I haven't dyed/highlighted my hair in about 15 years, I get a pedicure about 2-3 times a year (I own polish, but I like the pampering, and am too lazy to do it myself). I don't get manicures because I find nail polish distracting (yes, I know that's weird).  I haven't gotten a haircut in over a year (for the reasons mentioned above).  I have noticed a lot more gray coming in, so MAYBE after my hair donation I'll finally bite the bullet and get some highlights to cover the gray. But maybe not, because the idea of maintaining it makes me tired. 

Part of me feels a little sad about my routine, that it's become pretty hum-drum. I used to play around with my hairstyles & makeup a little more.  But I also used to get more sleep and didn't have to spend half an hour every morning getting a tiny human to eat breakfast and then whisking him off to a day care that's in the opposite direction from my work.
  
And ultimately, I know this is just a season.  Someday I will have more free time in the morning, and a kid who doesn't wake up at random times overnight.  This is just where I am now.  Maybe 5 years from now I'll be a Style Influencer Mom telling you about my favorite beauty creams and avocado hair wraps.  

But not today. 

Work Life Balance

A few weeks ago I started reading a book called "I Know How She Does It: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time".  The author found a few hundred highly successful women, most of which who happen to also be working moms, and had them log their time for a week, and then analyzed the results.

(sidenote: if you're interested in the journal, you can find them here.)

I've gotten a lot out of this book, but mostly this: Stop thinking about your time as a day, 24 limited hours.  There are 168 hours in a week.  If you work 45, and sleep 56 (8 hours a night), there's still 67 hours for other things. You have a 1 hour roundtrip commute?  Then you still have 62 hours left.  You spend 3 hours a day getting ready and/or eating meals?  You still have 41 hours, to do with what you will.  Basically: STOP MAKING EXCUSES.  It's not that you don't have time to do the things that bring you joy--you're just bad at managing your time.

I'm not saying this to anyone else. I'm saying it to myself.  I had a wake up call.  Since having my kid, I've dropped my gym membership, stopped going to my caving grotto events, and just generally stopped doing a lot of things, using the excuse that "I'm a busy working mom". 

Which I am.  Sure.  I'm also a giant hypocrite. I'm in charge of time management and productivity training at my company...

But what have I been doing with those "free" hours?  Sure, 26 of those non-working-sleeping-eating-commuting hours are the weekend, and weekends tend to fill up pretty quickly at our house.  Those other 15 hours?  What am I doing with those?  I'll tell you...

...sitting on my couch scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest, with the TV on in the background (all hail the DVR).  That is our nightly ritual after Lil' Man goes to bed.  Get home from work, dinner,  about an hour or so of playing with the kid, and then *boom*, we're vegetables.

There are so many better things I could be doing.  Or at the very least--things that I could be doing WHILE watching TV!

So...I made a list.  A list of Things that I Would Like to Do More.

• Crochet.  I learned to crochet from my mom when I was a kid. I'm not good at it--I know exactly two stitches. My mom is left-handed, so I had trouble learning from her.  But I can still make things.  Chunky yarn hides a litany of poorly spaced stitches. I've got a basket overflowing with full skeins of yarn, but haven't made anything in a couple years.
• Crafting. I enjoy making things. I have a Pinterest board.  I have a CRAFTING ROOM IN MY HOUSE.  In which I've never made a thing (except beer.  We're pretty good at that).
• Crossword Puzzles.  My ideal weekend would start with a cup of coffee and the answer to 1 Across.
• Volunteering.  We currently volunteer at our church 2x a month, but I'd like to do more.  Usually my bi-monthly blood donations fill this need, but because of a trip to the apparently malaria-riddled Punta Cana, I'm benched until April of 2018.
• Exercising.  I'm a Flabby Abby and I know it. I get winded coming upstairs from the basement.
• Blogging.  I have about 10 recipes I could post right now, but don't make the time.
• Education.  There's some MIT Open Courseware classes I downloaded several years ago, planning to help fill gaps in my formal education.  I've never started any of them.
• Devotions. I have an alarm on my phone that tells me to do a devotional every day at lunch.  This gets ignored more often than not.
• Play outside with my kid/husband.  I see very little sunlight.
• Spend quality time with The Hubs. Sitting side-by-side watching TV at night while we each have our computers in our laps does not count.
• Have lunch outside the office.  I eat lunch at my desk almost every work day. And not necessarily because I'm working through lunch. Far too often I end up watching YouTube videos of people cooking while intoxicated, or Irish folks saying funny things about American food that wouldn't be half as funny if not for those awesome accents, or comparing street tacos to lavish meals.  Which, sure, is entertaining, but there are better ways to use this time.
• Date Nights.  This is probably something every couple with kids wants more of.  But sitters are pricey and we don't have local grandparents to drop our tot off with.

Quite a list.  But none of these are all that daunting individually, or even costly (Date Nights probably being the most so).  And the big revelation--most of these aren't even things I need/want to do every DAY.  Just MORE.

So, then I started thinking: how often could I reasonably do these things?  Or how often do I want to?  When can I fit them in?

What	How Often	When
Crochet	2-3x / week	While watching TV in evenings
Crafting	1x / month	An evening or weekend
Crossword Puzzles	1-2x / week	Saturday or Sunday mornings
Volunteer	1 hour, every other month	After work
Exercise	3x / week	Mornings? (ugh), during lunch, evenings
Blog	2x / month	During lunch, evenings
Online Course	2-3x/week	During lunch
Devotions	daily	During lunch (come on, lady, it takes like 5 minutes.)
Play Outside w/Family	2-3x/week (in good weather)	Weekends, After work
Quality Time w/The Hubs	every night	Before day care pickup / After Lil' Man goes to bed
Lunch Out	1x / week	During lunch (duh.)
Date Night	1x / month	Any Night

So...I started trying. I started small. On Sunday, I worked on the Washington Post crossword online while I drank coffee and made breakfast. Granted, I then didn't have time to shower before church, but hey...I did a thing.

I found an online devotional that I liked, and added a shortcut on my internet taskbar to make it as easy as possible to NOT ignore my daily lunchtime reminder.

Then on Tuesday night, I played card games with The Hubs instead of vegging on the couch.  And it was nice.  He slaughtered me, but it was still nice.

And then the next night, I grabbed some yarn and started working on an infinity scarf while we watched Expedition Unknown.

The next morning, I had to get up early for a work meeting. Both The Hubs & Lil' Man were still asleep, so I did on the USA Today crossword while eating breakfast. (I suspect that USA Today's puzzles don't get harder as the week goes on, because there's no way I could finish the newspaper's Thursday crossword in 17 minutes.)

Friday night, I cut out of work a little early and met The Hubs for happy hour at our favorite watering hole.  Then after picking up the kid, we played outside in his "water table" (read: storage tote filled with water and toys) while waiting for dinner to cook.

On Saturday, my brain woke up early, so instead of rolling around for another half hour, I got up, ran up & down the stairs 10 times, did about 10 minutes of floor exercises in the basement, then made a cup of coffee and read for a bit. Was it a LOT of exercise? No.  But it was better than none.

And obviously, I found made some time to blog, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.  Did I hit all of my items? No.  But I had a great week.  And that's the real point, right?  I made time to do things that bring me joy, and it didn't require any sacrifices--I just used my time more wisely. Hopefully I can keep it up.  I suspect the exercise will be the hardest part--because it's not really something I WANT to do, but it's something I know I NEED to do.  So I'll work at it.

Hope you all have a joy-filled week and can make the time to do things you love.

Adventures in Parenting: Welcome to Your Almost 2-Year-Old (An Owner's Manual)

Hello, and Congratulations on your acquiring an Almost Two Year Old (ATYO)!  You've made a wise (questionable) decision with choosing this model.  This set of instructions has been designed to help you as learn to navigate the waters of a growing toddler and their accessory packages.

SAFETY TIPS:
Use outlet covers.
Lock all cabinets with sharp or breakable items. 
Employ safety gates judiciously.
Do not attempt to remove batteries.  Removal or attempted removal of any components will void the warranty*.

COMPONENTS:
Mouth:  This is where fuel should be added to your ATYO, approximately 4-6 times daily.   You may notices that the preferred type of fuel is also widely variable, particularly as your ATYO unit learns the word "no".   The mouth is also the center for verbal commands.  You may notice that the verbal capabilities of your unit increase over time.  This is good!  (Or at least, that's what we're told.  We've also been told the opposite is true.  It's all debatable.)  

Fingers/Arms: These can now reach counter tops, so Owners should be very wary of leaving anything lying about.  If there is a Pyrex dish of cookies on the counter and you hear a crash, you can't say you weren't warned. 

Nose: The "finger" component fits here.  

Waste Disposal Component:  You're still a ways from potty training.  Sorry. ATYO User Manual recommends continued purchase of the "Diapers" and "Wipes" accessories.

Hair: This grows at an alarming rate. You may want to find a kid's haircut provider (KHP). For short haircuts, the idea of a KHP using loud clippers may be alarming to your ATYO...but it will make the process much faster, which is ultimately worth it in the end.  ATYO User Manual recommends the "bribes" accessory pack. (Note: This accessory pack is also handy for weekly maintenance of the "fingernails" component.)

TROUBLESHOOTING:
Teeth: While essential for fuel processing, you may note that your ATYO using their "teeth" on non-fuel sources, such as pets, parents, siblings, or other ATYO's.  If the latter, you will likely receive notification from the ATYO's Day Care Provider (DCP).  While alarming, your DCP will notify you that this malfunction is normal, and likely due to their instinctual reaction to having toys stolen from them.  You will get at least one of these calls a week.  This is normal. In fact, any call from your DCP that isn't telling you that your ATYO unit is sick and needs to be picked up immediately is generally considered good news.

Head: Your ATYO unit comes equipped with a highly durable cranial "noggin", designed to protect the central processing unit (see "Brain").  This component is also highly susceptible to periodic wear and tear due to the natural instability of your ATYO unit.  Typical wear & tear is not covered under the warranty*.  ATYO User Manual recommends purchase of the "first aid kit" accessory.  

You may also note that your ATYO unit is resistant to water being applied to the "head" component, unless the ATYO performs the application themselves.  Getting squirted in the face at a splash pad appears to be a joyful and entertaining event, whereas periodic washing results in howls as though you were trying to remove one of your ATYO's components.  ...Solidarity, new Owner. We don't get it, either.

Communication:  As previously noted (see "Mouth"), your ATYO unit has the ability to learn additional verbal commands over time, much like a Furby.  Also similar to a Furby, these commands may at times be garbled or not include any actual English words.  Unlike a Furby, your ATYO unit may become increasingly agitated as you try to interpret, for example, what "muh" means in this particular instance. Your unit may be asking for "more" food, liquid sustenance (aka "milk"), or perhaps its favorite book ("moo", aka "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?")...or perhaps something entirely different.  This is frustrating for both Owner and the ATYO unit.  When you successfully communicate and satiate your ATYO unit, feel free to reward yourself with a well-earned drink or self high five.

Strange Smells: If you notice an unusual odor emanating from your ATYO unit, first check to see if there is a leak from the "waste disposal" component. Then immerse in warm water and wash gently with mild soap (see also "TROUBLESHOOTING-HEAD").  Use of garden hoses, sprinklers, or pools is also effective.

Temperament: You may notice that your ATYO sporadically and with little notice can burst into fits of rage over relatively inconsequential events, such as: 
- being told they need to sit in their chair to eat breakfast, or
- that you can't get them their milk because they're sitting in front of the fridge door and refuse to move.  

The loud noises and tears may be accompanied by wild gesticulations and rolling around on the floor. Despite what you may have been told about this behavior occurring after the unit's 2nd birthday, THIS IS NORMAL. When these incidents occur, two options are available:

a) remain calm, steady, comfort the ATYO and attempt to explain why life is unjust, or
b) cave and give them whatever they want.

Owners of older models may note that there used to be an Option C in the manual; however, as "physical adjustments" have generally become socially unacceptable, we are no longer allowed to recommend that option.   Make physical adjustments at your own risk, as these may void the warranty*.

The "binky" accessory can also be useful in many troubleshooting scenarios.

ACCESSORIES:
All accessories are sold separately; prices vary by location. 

You may notice your ATYO unit taking great interest in accessories for the Almost Three Year Old (ATYO 2.0) or higher models. While these are not compatible with your ATYO unit, good luck trying to keep them away from them.

User Notes:
* Unit does not come with any warranty.  Good luck, sucker.

Adventures in Parenting: 13 Months

Another month, another post!

1. Halloween.  Last year, he was too little (3 weeks old) to grasp the concept.  This year...he still doesn't, but he was at least a willing participant.  (i.e, we let him grab the candy, but Mom & Dad are still the ones eating 99% of it.)

His favorite thing? A balloon they gave out at our church event.  

Blurry babies are happy babies.

2. Molars, yo.  Lil' Man hasn't really ever had a rough time with teething...until molars.  Molars are the devil.  They take FOR-EV-ER to come in, and trouble him the whole time. He's a drooly, fussy, fevery hot mess.

3. New Classes at Day Care.  A spot opened up in the Ones classroom when he was 1y2w, so we moved him up (even though he'll be moving to a totally different day care once we're able to finally move into our new house).  Here, he has to eat off plates, drink from a sippy cup (no bottles), sleep on a cot instead of a crib, and be surrounded by 7 other kids who already know how to walk and run circles around him.

So far, he's done amazingly well--he takes THREE HOUR naps.  On a cot. It's crazy.  He hasn't been doing as great with the sippy cups--he'll drink from them, but not finish it, so he's not getting a ton of fluids during the day, which has resulted in some [TMI] constipation issues.  

4. Still Not Walking.  And I'm okay with that.  He will develop at his own pace.  He's not going to college still crawling.    It's so hard to wait for the big milestones though.  Especially when you see other kids at the same age already THERE.  So here are some other milestones he's hit:

• Initiating games of peekaboo with a blanket
• Hamming it up for the camera
• Throwing a ball to someone (and it actually getting really close to them)
• Putting things into (and then taking them out of) containers
• Dancing while holding on to the coffee table
• Climbing onto the coffee table
• Turning light switches on and off and knowing what they do (when he flips the switch, he immediately turns to look at the light)
• Pointing at things and trying to verbalize (the dog and lights/ceiling fans are particular faves)
• Pooping in the bathtub.

5. Talking.  Our son is a babbling fool--he loves to jabber.  But he still doesn't really use any "proper" words.  Again--not rushing him, I know he'll figure it out and one of these days he'll be following me around yelling "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA" and I'll be wishing he COULDN'T talk.  But I know that as a responsible parent, one of my jobs is to talk with my son as much as possible so that he learns new words and how to converse, etc.

Do you know how hard it is to be an introverted parent of a toddler?  It's actually really hard for me to force myself to talk to my son.  I just want to sit here and feed you and make faces at you and take pictures of you. I don't want to prattle on about "Would you like some blueberries?  Here, have some chicken.  How about some applesauce?  Do you like your blueberries?  Would you like some milk?  Mama bought it at the store just for you!  Do you see Rocky?  Yeah, he's eating the blueberry you just threw on the floor!  He's a good little helper dog.  Where's Daddy?  Where's Mama?  Do you want some more milk?  What do you see outside?  Do you see the tree?  There goes a car!  There's a bird in the yard!  Did you finish your chicken?  Do you want some more? Are you all done? Where's Rocky?  Can you show me? Can you point at Rocky? Is Rocky a dog? Did you eat all of your blueberries?  Yay, good job! Can Mama wipe your face? Then you can get down and go play!"  It's really...really...really hard.  But I do it. [Sometimes.] Because I love my kid.  I just have to be very, very conscious of it and FORCE myself to talk.

6. Hot Dogs.  He loves them.  This is a new discovery, since we rarely have hot dogs in our house.  And I'm a little disappointed in myself in regards to just HOW MANY hot dogs he's eaten in the last two weeks.  But it's protein, it's easy, we had a bunch of them leftover from a campfire gathering, and he devours them.   I foresee many more hot dogs in our future.

Blueberries cancel out hot dogs, right?

7. Frickin' Vaccines.  It's part of life, I get it.  And I get it if a vaccine makes a kid cranky and out of sorts for a few days right after the shots. I'm mentally prepared to be extra comforting and love on my poor little one for a couple days.  But to the people who developed the MMR (measles, mumps, & rubella) vaccine...WTH?  If you haven't been through it, here's the rundown--they get sickly symptoms two weeks AFTER the shot.  Just long enough for you both to forget that he got vaccines, so all of a sudden your teething kiddo has a fever and feels poopy and run-down and wakes up 6 times a night, and you can't figure out what's wrong, until somewhere around 1am when you're half-asleep and you hallucinate remembering your pediatrician telling you "yeah, if he starts feeling bad about two weeks after the shot, that's probably what it is."  Thanks. I mean, I'm glad he's not going to get measles and all...but still.  I can't remember something my doctor told me two weeks ago. Send me an email reminder.

SOAPBOX:  I don't have a lot of anti-vax friends, but I still have *enough*.  Look--I respect your decision, whatever your reasoning, to not vaccinate your kid(s), even though I don't agree with you.  Please have the grace to do the same.  I made my choice because the people who developed those vaccines dedicated their adulthood, 8+ years of their education, plus however many years of residency and research, to the selfless mission of saving the lives of children and adults, and I would feel pretty arrogant to say, "no, I know more than you do, so I'm opting out."  Because I don't.  They went to school for it, I didn't.  I'd be pretty annoyed if a random person came in off the street and decided to try their hand at MY job.

And the argument of "well, my kid never got vaccinated and they've never been sick" doesn't fly...
a) your kid, who's only ever been exposed to your OTHER kids, hasn't yet gotten measles, mumps, or chicken pox?    Congrats, you've proved that herd immunity works in the small scale.  Try sending them to day care for a week.  
b) Vaccinations aren't going to keep my son from getting sick.  He's still going to come home sick from time to time, because there's no vaccine for the cold, bronchitis, giardia, hand-foot-mouth disease, ear infections, etc. That's part of life, and building his immune system. Vaccinations are going to keep my kid from getting something that could KILL him. (Or in the case of chicken pox, at least prevent the both of us from being completely miserable for 2 weeks--seeing as how his father & I would have to take turns staying home from work with him while he's out of day care.)

8.  At some point, your child may lick a toilet bowl plunger before you have a chance to stop him.  Just...Fair warning.

Future Mommy Ponderings

As I sit here, in my third trimester, with my feet propped up and a charley horse in one calf, my brain swarms.  One moment I'm all about the now, focused on how my purse has become a tiny Walgreens full of antacids, acid reflux tabs, stool softener (TMI, sorry), and baby powder (for chafing, because I'm preggo and it's 96-OMFing-degrees outside)...the next moment, I'm wondering about "The Future".  Will this become a mommy blog?  Will I talk about homemade baby food and DIY-nursery projects and adorable anecdotes?  Will it be the place I come to try & humorously vent about 2am feedings and diaper explosions?  Or will I be so completely overwhelmed that I forget I ever even had a blog? ("FeauxWho?  You realize there's no 'e' in 'faux', right?")

What kind of mom will I be?  I like to think I'll be laid-back, super-casual, taking everything in stride.  Perhaps a little anxious at times, but always moving forward.  That I'll be more than happy to hand the kiddo over to friends (whether or not they just used hand-sani), and that I'll be totally okay with getting away from the Wee One for a weekend while Gma & Gpa babysit, so that I can sleep in somewhere and then eat a breakfast buffet I didn't have to make.  I will happily let my husband help with childcare and revel in watching them bond.  I will enjoy my 12 weeks of FMLA leave and then be moderately conflicted as I wean myself off my baby and go back to work, sad to not be sharing re-runs of Fringe over midnight feedings with him anymore, but happy to see my coworkers & have conversations with adults again.  I won't freak out over every tiny thing and feel the need to post on an online baby forum, asking if it's okay that my 6-week old baby hasn't started laughing yet, or uploading photos of suspect red spots to see if the general online mommy community thinks my baby has thrush (NOTE: I obviously have no idea what thrush is, based on that link.)  I won't obsess about having a perfectly clean house (Lord knows I don't right now) or get upset if I can't breastfeed.  As he gets bigger I will teach him about science and dinosaurs and geocaching and be totally okay with him playing in the dirt with the dog.  I will eventually send my kid to public school and periodically have to tell him the toddler-appropriate version of "tough turds" and "sometimes life ain't fair".

But the truth is, I don't know.  I have no idea what instincts or hormones will come flooding forth the second that tiny babbin makes his first appearance.

I may start snarling like a wolf and hide under the hospital bed with him clutched to my chest, and bite the first person who reaches for the baby (If so, sorry..I promise I've had all my shots.)  I may become a total germaphobe and place the baby in a bubble.  I may fall down a shame spiral over my dirty house and my inability to produce food for my tiny human.  I may stalk the online forums and NEED ALL THE ANSWERS OMGRIGHTNOW BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WTF I'M DOING.  I will decide my husband is a moron & should never be left alone with an infant. I may not leave the house for a year and convince my boss to let me telecommute, or suddenly decide that my career and saving the environment means nothing because I NEED TO MOTHER.  I will use my Master's degree to homeschool my kids so I can be sure they know MY VERSION of Genesis vs. The Dinosaurs.  I will be on Pinterest when I should be sleeping so I can research all of the best life-development activities and make sure their lives are as enriched as organic wheat flour.  Oh, and they'll only be getting organic nitrate-free super foods--I will probably butcher the cow myself (while babywearing) just to be 100% sure.  He will never see the inside of a McDonalds or know the joy of a cheeseburger Happy Meal.  Forget helicopter parenting, I'm going Blackhawk on that kid, and every boo-boo will be nursed and totally the grass/rock/other kid's fault. And we'll sell the dog, of course, the first time he licks the baby's eyeball. Maybe we'll even rid ourselves of all technology & go full Amish on him.

Or maybe I won't connect with my baby at all.  He'll hate the beach, and rocks, and dinosaurs, and books, and food, and ME, and I'll swear he was switched at the hospital and forever long for my "lost" baby while resenting the one sleeping in that crib...that FAKE baby.  I'll refuse to breastfeed & become withdrawn, depressed, and never leave my bed ever again.  Our house will gradually fill with refuse and stray cats (no idea where they came from, but I will love them more than that Fake Baby) and eventually Family Services and the ASPCA will show up on our doorstep at the same time.

Or maybe I'll love him to bits but accidentally swaddle him to death. *shrugs*

All I know is it will be a new adventure, and life will never be the same.  (And I'm still really hoping for Option #1.  And definitely not Death-Swaddle.)

I vow to love & protect you, Wee One.  And I promise to REALLY try not to kill you via accidental or intentional means.

Jumping Back on the Fitness Bandwagon

I know, I know… isn’t it just so trite to say right after the holidays?  Resolution time is just around the corner, so everyone looks down & realizes they can’t see their abs…or their toes.

For me, this wake-up actually started a couple months ago, after we closed The Scoop for the season.  I took a breath, stretched, and started thinking, “ow…why do I hurt?  Where did all my muscle tone go?  Why am I so tired?”  Then I hopped on a scale & discovered I was 25 lbs heavier than I had been a year ago.  I won’t lie…for a brief period of time I was hoping I had gotten pregnant & not realized it & it was allllllll just “baby weight”.  Isn’t that sad?

What happened?  Well…we bought a business, while still having full time jobs.  Our already somewhat full schedules were now jam packed…which squeezed out a lot of the time we had for exercise…and time for cooking healthy meals at home was often replaced by needing to be at the business, so we were eating out more frequently.  Oh, and let’s not forget stress-eating our own delicious product.  I mean… there’s a giant freezer,  RIGHT THERE, with 15 kinds of ice cream in it.  Could you resist?

Deliciously evil.

So, here I am, frantically chasing down the “wagon” and trying to hop back on.  I’ve already lost about 5 lbs in the last month,   And I’d like to share some of the tools I’m using along my journey.  I’m a little bit of a tech-nut, so these are the things that help keep me motivated.

1.  "Zombies...Run!"  This app is available on iPhone & Android devices.  It runs about $2-3 and has so far been worth every penny.  It turns exercise into a game, and if you’re a fan of post-apocalyptic shows like “The Walking Dead”, it’s supremely enjoyable.  The premise:  you’re a “runner” for Abel Township, a small community of survivors surrounded by zombies.  Each run is a 30-60 minute mission (depending on what length you choose) where you have to go pick up supplies, rescue survivors, or spy on other townships for information.  The radio operator for Abel communicates with you to give your directives, and in between his communiques, your music playlist advances (which you create—see my playlist here).  During the mission, you get notifications that you’ve picked up supplies (USB keys, first aid kits, bottles of water, even sports bras & baseball bats), and at the end of each mission you earn more supplies… and you can build your own “base” in the game with these supplies (very Sim City-esque). 

 

A few screenshots…

There are currently 2 seasons on the app, so about 60 missions altogether, plus new free “radio” missions being added all the time.  The app can work via GPS or accelerometer, so you can still use it at the gym if it’s too cold to run outside (though, actual running on trails or around town during missions does add a lot to the “mission” feel).

This app keeps me going back to the gym… so I can build my base, and advance the storyline.

2.  FitBit.  Admittedly, I just got the FitBit for Christmas, so it’s still new to me, but I’m loving having all this data at my fingertips.  It tracks steps, floors climbed, calories, miles walked… you earn badges for hitting different achievements (5,000 steps in a day, 10,000 steps, etc.) and the dashboard is fantastic.  You can link with friends who have FitBits & motivate each other (and challenge each other, since you can see their steps in comparison to yours), you can track food (and make a meal plan for yourself based on how much you want to lose & how fast), activities (like workouts at the gym to keep your calories burned accurate), even how well you sleep.  There are communities, forums, and online challenges on the website as well. 

If you can’t afford a FitBit, there are other similar systems out there for a little less, but I feel like having the more mainstream version (especially one that other friends are using & I can see their activity) will help keep me motivated…sorta like virtual gym buddies.  I got a FitBit One, which is the  “clip on” style rather than the bracelet style, because they’re starting to get more cost effective (about $50-60), and you can find them used on Ebay, because so many FitBit fans are upgrading to the bracelet style Flex & Force models.

You get to name your FitBit…and yes, I’m a giant nerd.

3. Virtual Treks & Challenges.  In 2013, I completed the 100 Missouri Miles challenge, to spend at least 100 miles on Missouri’s trails & waterways.  People who successfully completed the challenge are sent a medal from the Governor…and my office had our own internal challenge so that all employees who completed it get a $25 gift card. I am nothing if not a sucker for small rewards. :D 

Now, I’m starting on the Trans-American Virtual Trek, which runs from Virginia to Oregon.  You enter the number of miles you walk/run/bike/hike each day, and it shows you where you would be along the trail. 

 It’s like an interactive Oregon Trail, only no one dies of dysentery!!!

 

4. Get a Big Cup.  If you’re like me, you’re probably not drinking enough water. In fact, stats show that 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.  We drink coffee, tea, soda…just about everything BUT water.  It’s one of those things that SHOULD be so easy to do, and yet we ignore it… which causes all kinds of issues, from weight gain to headaches to joint pain to fatigue.  Don’t want to walk back & forth to the kitchen all day for cups of water?  Then get one big cup, that holds 24-32 oz of water, and drink 2 of them over the course of the day.  I use a plastic fountain drink cup from the nearby gas station (yes, I realize their name is awful…yet funny.)

Drinking through a straw gives me the illusion of drinking a fountain soda.  Can’t stand plain water?  Keep a stockpile of fresh limes or lemons at your work & squeeze the juice into your water.  You could probably use the Vitamin C, too.  If you get the FitBit & download the smartphone app, there’s a quick button for easily tracking your water intake, too.

5. Reward Yourself.  Build your own reward system for meeting goals.  Sure, apps can give you virtual badges & such, but more tangible rewards can help keep motivation up… even if it’s as simple as “I can’t play any Candy Crush until I hit 5,000 steps”. How about making a reward jar?  Put $5 in every time you go to the gym, and at the end of the month, have a mini-shopping spree, or get a spa treatment!  Try to avoid food rewards though, as this reinforces an emotional connection with indulgent foods.  I’m not saying you can’t have a cupcake; just don’t make it an “I deserve this” treat.  Put it in with your regular calories for the day, adjust your other meals accordingly, and do the extra work (if needed) to burn those calories off.

Or, for some people, negative reinforcement works better.  No worries—there’s an app for that.  Check out Gym-Pact.com.  You make a monetary commitment to go to the gym a certain # of times per week, download the app (so you can “check in” while you’re at the gym), and if you meet your goal, you actually GET a little money (it’s becoming more popular, so I think these days it’s only 50 cents/workout…there’s also occasional freebies like music downloads or coupons for online shopping)….but if you don’t meet your goal, you have to PAY into the system (minimum of $5/week).  Oh, and if you’re not a gym fan, you can sync other apps to GymPact (like RunKeeper, if you prefer to run outdoors), and so long as your activity is at least 30 minutes & 1 mile long, that will count as a workout.

(FYI…Zombies…Run! will sync to RunKeeper as well, if you’re already using that app…but RunKeeper doesn’t acknowledge accelerometer steps so it won’t sync properly when you run in the gym as opposed to outside with the GPS.)

6. Log Your Food.  Whether you use the FitBit program, SparkPeople, What I Ate, MyFitnessPal… doesn’t matter.  Use whatever works easiest for you.  But DO track it.  You will find that you make better choices when you have to write it down somewhere.  If you cook at home a lot, you can use SparkRecipes to enter ingredients & divide by portions to determine exact nutritional info for each serving (that’s the program I use to develop my NutriFacts for recipes I post here).

If you hate typing in a database, or get frustrated by trying to figure out calories for homemade food, try this:  take a photo of everything you eat during the day.  And at the end of the day, make a photo collage of those items (I have a free app called “HD Photo Grid” that generates the collage for you automatically after you select the pics) and then post the collage on your Facebook/Instagram/Twitter or blog.  This gives you accountability without tracking actual calories…and by making one collage, you’re less likely to annoy your friends with food pics 5x a day.

7. 30 Day Challenges.  We see them every day on Pinterest… and maybe we pin them, but we don’t actually DO them.  Just once…DO one.  I’m currently on Day 12 of the Plank Challenge….and my husband is doing it too (he is actually in better core shape than me, so he jumped ahead & is already up to Day 21, but we won’t hold that against him :D).  The idea that I will eventually be able to plank for 5 minutes?  Seems a little intimidating, but you know what?  11 days ago, just doing a 20 second plank was somewhat of a challenge.  Adding 15 seconds each day…it’s easier than it seems. 

Print out the graphic that shows the daily breakdown, and tape it up wherever you plan on doing it (for me, it’s on my bathroom mirror).  Keep a pen handy so you can cross off each day as you complete it.